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22-Feb-2020 18:05
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Baby and I ordered a heart-shaped pizza and some brownies and watched Hercules on Netflix. Day 4: I had a great weekend with some old friends in North Carolina, eating great food and singing karaoke.I had no boys to constantly text and distract me from our adventures. Day 8: One of the aforementioned friends offered to do a boudoir photo shoot for me.On February 13, the day after my encounter with the married man and the day before Valentine’s Day, I posed a casual and somewhat thoughtless poll question to my followers: “Can Summer go 100 days without boys?” Invoking the well-known 2009 Zooey Deschanel rom com, I casually added a tongue-in-cheek hashtag: #100Daysof Summer.I loved the validating comments I got from friends on Finsta, and so Instagram became a place where I felt more comfortable being vulnerable.My Finsta tendencies slowly started to bleed over into my public Instagram page, and I started to subtly give my followers a sense that I had perhaps become a little too addicted to what had started out as an academic fascination with Tinder.I told him about how the married man remained inside me as he tried to catch his breath.
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I deleted Tinder and Bumble and deleted all the phone numbers in my contacts with fish (Tinder) or bees (Bumble) next to their names.
Tuesday didn’t even try his hand (or any other part of him) at making me feel good, but my messy history with men told me that despite the disappointment, I’d probably jump into another unfamiliar bed soon enough.
It turns out that 79% of poll respondents had more faith in me than I had in myself.
I didn’t want to do much besides lie around in bed, and I definitely started to get the urge to text some ex lovers or download an app or two.
The good news was that many of their numbers were gone, and I tried to harness my depressive energy in somewhat productive ways, such as writing sad poems. We all know that when we are sick, we would love to have a partner to take care of us, and the lack of that type of attention spiraled me even deeper into my depression.And as I look back at my posts from those first few days, it seems that my quality of life quickly improved as a result.
