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22-Mar-2020 15:08

I watched Korean dramas and practiced taekwondo; he watched and chowed pretzels at baseball stadiums and air-guitared to Blink-182. And now, more than two years later, we’re discussing marriage.

The fact that David happens to be white didn’t bother me ... Another friend said, “Well, he’s got a type.” Yet another acquaintance said, “Yeah, you’re the type white boys will go for.” These reactions all came from fellow Asian folks.

The third article was written by a Latino man who felt pressured by today’s “woke” society to stop dating white women.

The basic idea is that “racial dating preferences” is just a code word for racial stereotypes and prejudices, such as the degradation of black women, the criminalization of black and Latino men, and the feminization of Asian men in Hollywood and the media, trends that sociologists trace back to colonialism.

From the pit of my gut came complex feelings of irritation, fear, and ... I traced those feelings back to when I first arrived in the United States as a teenage immigrant.

I remember my Asian American friends warning me to watch out for boys with an “Asian fetish”—an ugly term for a non-Asian man who’s attracted to Asian females, presumably due to stereotypes.

When it comes to Asian women, the myth is that they’re the “ideal” female: submissive, docile, and sexually eager to please.

But I can’t deny that these interactions always left me with a strong distaste—the sort that clenched my stomach and shrunk my heart. I understood why I would get irritated when people imply that a man would find me attractive simply because I’m Asian. So I’m in love with a white guy—what’s fearful and shameful about that?Plus, I am a Korean American woman dating a blond, blue-eyed, German-blooded man born and raised in North Dakota to a baseball-obsessed, Baptist, Republican family.In terms of cultural background, David and I couldn’t be more different.The way they said it—always with a disgusted scowl—seemed to suggest anyone who dates too many Asians is creepy and abnormal, akin to perverts who watch kinky dwarf porn in a dank basement.

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When that’s your introduction to your own community’s feelings about non-Asian males pursuing Asian females, it leaves a negative impression that’s hard to scrub off. I remember a Korean American friend asking me one day, “Do you think I’m a self-hating Korean? ” She hesitated, then replied, “I’ve never really dated Asian men.

I grew up as a missionary kid in Singapore; David grew up in a middle-class suburban home with a pool in the Midwest.