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As evidenced by the countless dystopian portrayals of technologically mediated love that come across our screens as well as real-world conversations with friends and colleagues, we're collectively wary of online dating and its implications for the future of romance and human connection. Why are we so hesitant to believe that online dating can work? According to the Pew Research Center, about a quarter of Americans agree with the statement "People who use online dating sites are desperate." Considering that one of the most cliché pieces of advice we hear is "Love will find you when you least expect it," that shouldn't come as a surprise.But the truth of the matter is that more and more people have been using the internet and/or dating apps to find romantic partners, whether they're looking for something casual or long-term.
After yet another day of silence, I finally texted him. He'd been posting regularly on Instagram and Twitter, and as I scrolled through his feed, my head started spinning. "You can't get a peep out of him, yet you can see that he's talking to the whole world on social media."It did suck, and I wondered: What makes a seemingly good guy go from everything to nothing? Aijan says that guys who do a 180 experience what's called cognitive dissonance—a kind of mental stress that occurs when we have two conflicting beliefs about something.
"I'm treating things casually, and I probably convince myself that the other person is too—that, hey, they're just having a good time, no strings attached—when in reality…[she] might actually be constructing all sorts of relationship-type expectations." In one relationship, he really had no explanation for why he lost "that feeling." "I felt awful and also completely unable to explain this to her…so instead I started blaming outside forces, like the fact that we didn't live in the same city, the fact that she was still in a serious relationship," he says. But why do they drop off, other than an inexplicable change of heart or fear of commitment? David, 33, says that the change in behavior is most likely to happen when the initial attraction wears off.